King's English

luckyshirt:

Let’s talk about Munchies Snack Mix for a second. Because this is important.

In order of awesomeness (most to least), this bag contains:

1. Sun Chips

2. Doritos

3. Cheetos

4. Pretzels

Let me say here and now that Sun Chips are the TRUTH. There is nothing in this life more important or precious. Remember that asteroid movie? No, not the one with the Aerosmith song. The other one. They dug like a whole city underground to preserve a few thousand people or whatever.

Well I’m building one under my house and filling it with Sun Chips. Go ahead and laugh. It’s only crazy until it isn’t. One day, when I rule our species with my Sun Chips, and you are all calling me Ra, we’ll see what’s what.

Then we have Doritos followed by Cheetos.

These might actually be a photo-finish for the silver in this competition. That’s not entirely accurate; horse racing isn’t an Olympic sport.

Eiter way: Doritos and Cheetos. The Romulus and Remus of Snack City. Awesome and awesome.

Then:

Pretzels.

Okay, pretzels are good. I can eat them wherever whenever. Almost.

But they don’t belong here. They just don’t bring what the other three bring to the bag.

So every time I get to one, I’m disappointed. But I deal with it. Because the those little cold showers are soon forgotten in the aftermath of the SunCheetoRito blasts.

But over time, I’ve begun to fixate on those pretzels. I know I can’t change Munchies Snack Mix. I know that. And I know I should just accept the mix as an really good product. But it’s tough. There are times when I feel like those damned twisted let-downs are just laughing at me.

So the question is: Do we go through life just accep-WAIT.

WAIT A SECOND.

THIS IS LIKE… A METAPHOR.

OMG IT TOTALLY IS.

FOR HOW I FEEL ABOUT CHEX MIX.